Mm. I don't remember what it's like to be completely worry-free. It feels like I always have to do something, or there must be something that I'm forgetting...
[ She scoots closer to Shu. ]
The day when I get to feel that... Perhaps I should make that a personal goal.
Mm. But it felt different. It didn't feel like uncertainty, or discomfort. The clone was using me as a shield. [ or, that's how it felt anyway. less hiding behind him because it was unsure of how to handle what was going on, and more because it was trying to stop yuri from attacking it. ]
[ There sure was plenty of discomfort and uncertainty when she hid inside Shu's jacket in the online world...... Him saying that reminds Yuri of that incident when she really just had enough of pixelated people. So what Shu says makes sense. ]
... I'm glad that you can believe in me to handle myself, because it feels like I can't from how people sometimes treat me.
You’ve told me about where you’re from. And I saw you fight in the sim room in… what, our second week here?
[ yuri’s sweet and friendly, but she wouldn’t have survived as long as she dead in The City if she couldn’t handle herself. that’s his thought process, at least. he’s not counting what she told him about… things she hasn’t experienced and won’t. 27 years sounds a hell of a time to have kept surviving for, in a place like that.
he wasn’t drawn to her just because of her nice nature, after all. ]
I suppose this is only tangentially related, but I think I lost count of how many people wanted me to promise to keep living. Not that I want to die, of course. But sometimes.... it feels overwhelming.
[ he’s still not sure what he thinks about making a promise like that. ]
It is when it’s not a promise you can safety keep. [ he sighs. ] Feels a bit like a set up, being asked to promise to live when anything could happen on a Thursday night.
[ She doesn't doubt that at all, but she did it, for them. ]
... I actually... got Gregor to eat back then, the Saturday when he was accused. He didn't want to eat anything. He told me to promise to live, and I said that I would... after he eats a cookie.
… that sounds like a kinda unique case, when it comes to Gregor. [ if there’s anyone he can think of who’d be desperate to see her live — it’d be him or it’d be Rodya. ]
You’re doing alright so far though, keeping that promise.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ oh to be a pug. ]
...
Yeah. It's been a while, huh?
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[ She scoots closer to Shu. ]
The day when I get to feel that... Perhaps I should make that a personal goal.
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I think you feel that a lot of the time, but-- it helps if you're in a place where you feel safe enough to shut your mind down for a bit.
[ hmm. ]
You could try in New Sieg. Give yourself some settling in time and just relax.
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I'll... try. I was originally planning to do that here, but then we all got caught up in this chain of events.
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[ But sometimes things just happen. ]
Maybe you're just used to gun fights back there then.
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Probably, but the point still stands.
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[ Yuri nods. Actually, she's been meaning to ask him for a while... ]
When you saw the coral clone of me grab your arm, how did you know that it wasn't me? I... do that a lot.
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Mm. But it felt different. It didn't feel like uncertainty, or discomfort. The clone was using me as a shield. [ or, that's how it felt anyway. less hiding behind him because it was unsure of how to handle what was going on, and more because it was trying to stop yuri from attacking it. ]
You know how to handle yourself.
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... I'm glad that you can believe in me to handle myself, because it feels like I can't from how people sometimes treat me.
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[ yuri’s sweet and friendly, but she wouldn’t have survived as long as she dead in The City if she couldn’t handle herself. that’s his thought process, at least. he’s not counting what she told him about… things she hasn’t experienced and won’t. 27 years sounds a hell of a time to have kept surviving for, in a place like that.
he wasn’t drawn to her just because of her nice nature, after all. ]
Feel a little coddled, sometimes?
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[ She finally reaches out and puts an arm over Shu's side to hug him. ]
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If you told them that, people’ll listen. But they’re not psychic, you’d have to step up first.
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[ She squeezes Shu in the hug a little. ]
I suppose this is only tangentially related, but I think I lost count of how many people wanted me to promise to keep living. Not that I want to die, of course. But sometimes.... it feels overwhelming.
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[ he’s still not sure what he thinks about making a promise like that. ]
It is when it’s not a promise you can safety keep. [ he sighs. ] Feels a bit like a set up, being asked to promise to live when anything could happen on a Thursday night.
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[ And now no one else will die on Thursday nights! (pending) ]
But I think they also understood that, in a way.
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[ it usually is, it just feels more pronounced when you put into this kind of context. ]
You think they just wanted to hear it?
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[ She doesn't doubt that at all, but she did it, for them. ]
... I actually... got Gregor to eat back then, the Saturday when he was accused. He didn't want to eat anything. He told me to promise to live, and I said that I would... after he eats a cookie.
[ There's a wry smile. ]
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… that sounds like a kinda unique case, when it comes to Gregor. [ if there’s anyone he can think of who’d be desperate to see her live — it’d be him or it’d be Rodya. ]
You’re doing alright so far though, keeping that promise.
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I am, and I'm glad. I wouldn't have it any other way...
[ You know, apart from the time she died and resed as the phoenix, everything's just peachy keen. ]
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Now we just need to figure out how to get out of here and then maybe we don’t have to worry quite as much about dying.
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[ Not that she couldn't before, but she actually has a chance to now! Wow! After all this is over, of course. ]
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Yeah? You've got plenty of time to experience that.
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Hopefully... with you.
[ That part is very quiet, because she knows what this sounds like. Leave her alone. ]
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[ in this scenario, they have plenty of time to let things pan out ]
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