...The visions of certain events that have not come to pass, you mean.
[ Like a vision of a supposed future, or futures, that could have been written into being, but were not.
Hallucinations; illusions...delusions. ]
I've seen a few myself. One case myself even being a perpetrator in ending the life of another, one where you turned the tables on an attacker, and other unremarkable or variety of miscellaneous life or death scenarios.
...The less I see, the better. But, I'm certain you'll agree.
[ It has been, honestly, extremely jarring seeing him 'kill' someone because it is just about as brutal as one imagined and he thought for a moment that he did. As for the one with Yuri, well. That is another can of worms.
... Are you comfortable with telling me who my attacker was?
[ She'll do an exchange. ]
I saw Callisto slitting someone's throat. I didn't get to see who they were because their body was hidden behind the couch in the lounge. Then I saw a vision of me fighting with Charles with swords. Rodya killed me in another. Then Throne with Temenos...
[ So Blade doesn't know how it was possible the tables were turned, but it happened.
Yuri's desire to live is rather powerful, from his perspective. ]
For the others, I witnessed Mizuki killed Shoma. Then, Baiken putting an end to Guy's life. Followed by Arthur killing Amalthea. Lastly, Shu shooting at Todomatsu. [ ... ] I'd imagine it was as jarring and as unpleasant moreso whenever you saw yourself appear; to say the least when it involved Rodya.
I suspect it's a last-ditch attempt to place us into a state of frenzy of some sort.
... Yes. Real or not, I think it would be very troubling if I ran into someone who wants to kill me.
[ So she trusts Blade by staying here, grounding herself with his presence.
Then off in the distance of the dog park, there's a vision of another Yuri running away from someone but turning a corner to stab someone with her sword. There's another Blade, who blocks it effortlessly with his shard sword. It seems like they're fighting for real. ]
[ Blade's sharp eyes then catch these new phantasms, wondering about the irony of it all. The dance of fierce fighting is beautiful, but unsettles him.
They always chose the simulation room for their spars, so he knows what this vision means. Trying to obscure the sight seems foolish, so he is resigned to it playing out. ]
Another illusion is upon us. Unless you wish to shake that peace of mind...you have the choice to avert your eyes.
[ Blade is caught off-guard, so he just tenses; but that doesn't last long. He reaches with his hands to lightly pull them away just a bit, looking at her.
But, her words seem to have had an effect. Even with the sound of their weapons meeting one another's in the distance, and the urge to look. To suffer. To desire that suffering to end.
To feel that pain bloom in his heart, to fuel the monster that lies within him...to let him sink into the madness of the red haze of mara, stoked by painful memories. Painful events. To lose himself. But, he doesn't want to indulge it now. No, he wants...to be at peace. ]
...You're correct that I don't have to. But, it's unnecessary...to shield me so. As long as I don't bring my gaze in that direction, I will be fine.
Let us both wait it out until it ends. Then, maybe attempt to reclaim whatever little peace we have.
I feel that your eyes would occasionally glance there regardless.
[ They can wait it out. The other Yuri seems to have lost the fight and the other Blade says something about how Yuri's resolve to live is strong, but not strong enough to match his strength.
[ Blade hates that she is right, because those words, from his other self make him want to.
For a moment, it makes him furious (mostly at himself, for being so wretched in this scenario, even if it is unreal.) What does anyone know about him? Doesn't she know how easy it is for him to kill most people here? That he's a threat? He wouldn't even hesitate? That he wouldn't feel a single thing if he raised his sword against even some of the younger ones? ]
...How would you know?
[ Blade simply asks, though this time he doesn't bother removing his hands, feeling the stab of anger leave as soon as it comes. ]
[ Despite the occasional teasing that Yuri does to Blade, she's still aware of how Blade is as a person. He can be a threat. He could easily kill anyone here, even the younger members of the crew. Yuri always knew this. ]
... Even if it hurts you.
[ Yet she stays with him anyway. She says things that could make Blade draw his sword for any reason. However, there's some sort of trust in Blade that Yuri has that he wouldn't draw his sword on her under normal circumstances. Blade may be dangerous and he may be the furthest thing from sanity, but she's still here, as a friend. ]
[ She must know, and still she sticks close. Is he fortunate? He thought that, once upon a time, not too long ago, when she dared to embrace him. Even when no one else would. He knows he will never be stable, but it is clear that does not matter to her. ]
...You are correct. Though, there is no need for you to expend such an effort, even if slight.
[ But, Blade does not begrudge Yuri for it, not completely, even if it isn't so simple either. The day which they all part draws ever nearer, where he will pursue his goals and never look back, where he will forget them all sooner than later. Yet, for now...that isn't so.
Yuri continues to support him, and in some ways, however long they have, Blade will unequivocally support her in return.
Eventually, the final blow is struck. The sound of a body falling is familiar enough that he can't mistake it, and he raises his hands to gently pull them from where Yuri has them. ]
[ She may not have to expend such an effort, but she does, for him. She frowns when his hands try to move hers away again, but she lets it happen this time. The other Yuri is dead on the grass from however the other Blade finished her off.
Blade was right. A powerful will to live only works if that will can affect actions. If the body is dead, then it can no longer influence anything. A willpower like this stops short in face of reality. ]
[ Two fingers, tapped lightly against her shoulder before Blade reaches, and holds up a puppy to her, tilting his head. ]
...And so it ends, Yuri.
[ A mere possibility. Enough to shake the soul and to shatter the spirit; but the mirage dissipates all the same. The two are still here, and they have much to confront ahead. ]
However painful our future is, we must grasp it greedily; unflinching...and never let go. But, remember to give yourself as much consideration as you have given to me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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... Blade...?
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Or... ]
...What is it?
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[ Yuri is cautious and is starting to walk towards him. Dogs, please save her if she's wrong. ]
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They simply kept bothering me and circumstances ended up like this.
[ Blade simply outlines (whether or not it's true), but the puppies perk up at her as she comes closer. ]
...It appears odd, doesn't it?
[ Or is it something else? She seems to be acting a bit cautious. ]
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[ Yuri hesitantly reaches out to try and touch Blade's arm. ]
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...What are you doing?
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I've been... seeing things today. They're not very pleasant.
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[ Like a vision of a supposed future, or futures, that could have been written into being, but were not.
Hallucinations; illusions...delusions. ]
I've seen a few myself. One case myself even being a perpetrator in ending the life of another, one where you turned the tables on an attacker, and other unremarkable or variety of miscellaneous life or death scenarios.
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[ But she remembers how Blade reacted after his CYOA adventure, so really, do these not affect him at all? Yuri wonders. ]
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...The less I see, the better. But, I'm certain you'll agree.
[ It has been, honestly, extremely jarring seeing him 'kill' someone because it is just about as brutal as one imagined and he thought for a moment that he did. As for the one with Yuri, well. That is another can of worms.
The others...? Well, mostly unremarkable. ]
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... Are you comfortable with telling me who my attacker was?
[ She'll do an exchange. ]
I saw Callisto slitting someone's throat. I didn't get to see who they were because their body was hidden behind the couch in the lounge. Then I saw a vision of me fighting with Charles with swords. Rodya killed me in another. Then Throne with Temenos...
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[ So Blade doesn't know how it was possible the tables were turned, but it happened.
Yuri's desire to live is rather powerful, from his perspective. ]
For the others, I witnessed Mizuki killed Shoma. Then, Baiken putting an end to Guy's life. Followed by Arthur killing Amalthea. Lastly, Shu shooting at Todomatsu. [ ... ] I'd imagine it was as jarring and as unpleasant moreso whenever you saw yourself appear; to say the least when it involved Rodya.
I suspect it's a last-ditch attempt to place us into a state of frenzy of some sort.
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[ She touches Blade's arm again to reassure herself. ]
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I see. So that is why you keep reaching out?
[ He might have assumed she witnessed his death, though the fact that it is more a matter of being uncertain of his presence is also understandable. ]
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[ So she trusts Blade by staying here, grounding herself with his presence.
Then off in the distance of the dog park, there's a vision of another Yuri running away from someone but turning a corner to stab someone with her sword. There's another Blade, who blocks it effortlessly with his shard sword. It seems like they're fighting for real. ]
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[ Blade's sharp eyes then catch these new phantasms, wondering about the irony of it all. The dance of fierce fighting is beautiful, but unsettles him.
They always chose the simulation room for their spars, so he knows what this vision means. Trying to obscure the sight seems foolish, so he is resigned to it playing out. ]
Another illusion is upon us. Unless you wish to shake that peace of mind...you have the choice to avert your eyes.
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[ So Yuri reaches up and covers Blade's eyes with her hands. She thinks Blade has suffered enough mental things lately. ]
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But, her words seem to have had an effect. Even with the sound of their weapons meeting one another's in the distance, and the urge to look. To suffer. To desire that suffering to end.
To feel that pain bloom in his heart, to fuel the monster that lies within him...to let him sink into the madness of the red haze of mara, stoked by painful memories. Painful events. To lose himself. But, he doesn't want to indulge it now. No, he wants...to be at peace. ]
...You're correct that I don't have to. But, it's unnecessary...to shield me so. As long as I don't bring my gaze in that direction, I will be fine.
Let us both wait it out until it ends. Then, maybe attempt to reclaim whatever little peace we have.
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[ They can wait it out. The other Yuri seems to have lost the fight and the other Blade says something about how Yuri's resolve to live is strong, but not strong enough to match his strength.
Yuri keeps her hands over his eyes again. ]
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For a moment, it makes him furious (mostly at himself, for being so wretched in this scenario, even if it is unreal.) What does anyone know about him? Doesn't she know how easy it is for him to kill most people here? That he's a threat? He wouldn't even hesitate? That he wouldn't feel a single thing if he raised his sword against even some of the younger ones? ]
...How would you know?
[ Blade simply asks, though this time he doesn't bother removing his hands, feeling the stab of anger leave as soon as it comes. ]
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[ Despite the occasional teasing that Yuri does to Blade, she's still aware of how Blade is as a person. He can be a threat. He could easily kill anyone here, even the younger members of the crew. Yuri always knew this. ]
... Even if it hurts you.
[ Yet she stays with him anyway. She says things that could make Blade draw his sword for any reason. However, there's some sort of trust in Blade that Yuri has that he wouldn't draw his sword on her under normal circumstances. Blade may be dangerous and he may be the furthest thing from sanity, but she's still here, as a friend. ]
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...You are correct. Though, there is no need for you to expend such an effort, even if slight.
[ But, Blade does not begrudge Yuri for it, not completely, even if it isn't so simple either. The day which they all part draws ever nearer, where he will pursue his goals and never look back, where he will forget them all sooner than later. Yet, for now...that isn't so.
Yuri continues to support him, and in some ways, however long they have, Blade will unequivocally support her in return.
Eventually, the final blow is struck. The sound of a body falling is familiar enough that he can't mistake it, and he raises his hands to gently pull them from where Yuri has them. ]
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Blade was right. A powerful will to live only works if that will can affect actions. If the body is dead, then it can no longer influence anything. A willpower like this stops short in face of reality. ]
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...And so it ends, Yuri.
[ A mere possibility. Enough to shake the soul and to shatter the spirit; but the mirage dissipates all the same. The two are still here, and they have much to confront ahead. ]
However painful our future is, we must grasp it greedily; unflinching...and never let go. But, remember to give yourself as much consideration as you have given to me.
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... I promised too many people that I will continue to live now.
[ Even if that's always an uncertainty. She did it anyway. ]
So I won't let go.
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cw: suicidal-adjacent topics jic
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